Last weekend my wife and I attended her 10 year high school reunion. It was fun for me to see her in that environment (since we didn’t know each other then). I enjoyed the reunion, but it also made me think more about the relationships in my own life.

At my own 10 year reunion last year I hadn’t talked to many of those people since high school. There were a lot of people that I used to be close with that I’d lost touch with over the years. I’ve noticed this trend not only with my old high school friends, but also with my current friends, family and even some work relationships.

Since I got married four years ago my relationship with my wife has been my number one priority and I have set a goal for the relationship each year (see my blog last week about this type of goal). This relationship is strong because I have focused on it. My relationship with my parents is also strong because it too has been a part of my priorities and goals.

But what about all my other relationships? Sadly, those are not as strong as they used to be. It would be really easy for me to make excuses about why I’ve let those relationships slip. A lot of those excuses would be legitimate. But the truth is that many of my relationships are not as strong as they used to be because of ME.

Here are 7 reasons I’ve screwed up relationships:

• I struggle with balance. I think many people in my life have gotten frustrated with me because I haven’t made enough of an effort with them. They are right. I’ve been so laser focused on a few very important relationships and my other goals that I’d often forgotten about people who I say matter most to me. Goals often conflict with each other I’ve realized. I’ve made the choice to focus on certain business, personal and marriage goals over certain relationships and haven’t found a balance yet.
• I am often judgmental. I have been labeled this way more than once in my life. To be honest, I never feel like I am judging people. Usually I am just trying to help, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how people feel. If someone feels I am judging them it’s my responsibility to work on fixing that.
• I am not great at showing positive emotion. I am not a hugger. I don’t like to be touched. I am really bad at telling people how I feel. This often creates a divide in my relationships. I need to be better at telling people that I care about them. I also need to be better at showing that I care.
• When I do show emotion, it tends to be negative. I am not a negative person by any means. I try to keep things positive, but I also can overreact from time to time. I am the reason why you should not respond to a negative email right away. I have often let my emotions get the best of me in a negative way. This has hurt some of my relationships. I am working on controlling these emotions. This is not easy for me, but it is my responsibility to fix it.
• I have high and often unrealistic expectations. This happens a lot with high achievers. We tend to set expectations for others too high. This means we are only thinking about ourselves. Leaders must know their people and I am not great at this. A lot of my relationships have soured because I have put too much pressure on people to achieve at such a high level that it’s impossible for anyone to achieve it. I get frustrated when people are different than me when it comes to achievement and I think this has alienated many people in my life.
• I just haven’t made an effort. When I think of every relationship in my life that is not as good as it used to be, bad or even non-existent, I often come to the same conclusion as to why. ME. I have just not put forth the necessary effort to keep the relationships strong. Are there things that I have been okay at doing? Sure. Are there things other people could have done better? Yes. But the reality is that I could have and should have been better. Relationships require work and I have been a slacker.
• I talk about forgiveness, but don’t always practice it. I often talk about the importance of forgiveness in relationships and how imperative it is in the characteristics of leaders. I have been decent at forgiveness, but I have been far from perfect. To be honest I think I am better at forgetting then I am forgiving. I often say that I have the ability to forget almost anything. But I think I need to be better at forgiving and maybe I need to be better at asking for forgiveness.

I have not been bad with all my relationships, but I realize that I need to be better. Success in life comes from the people we meet. I need to be better at cultivating relationships with the people I meet and with the people I have already met.

What are some reasons you have screwed up relationships in your life?

Who is someone in your life you need to forgive? Someone with whom you need to improve your relationship?

What can YOU do to improve your relationships?

What WILL you do to improve them? Leave a comment below. I’ll read and respond to every one of them, would love to hear your thoughts on how to create better relationships.